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“Happy Holidays,” with a dash of irony
By
Dave Preston
To prepare for the holidays, we’re going to start with a great
writer, sink to the lowest depths of the human soul, cruise through
various motorcycle styles, and end at…world peace. Best tighten
your chin strap; it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!
Gore Vidal is a significant American author. My favorite Vidal line
is not so much a quote, but a personal mantra: “It's not enough to
succeed. Others must fail.”
Let the meaning sink in, and see if you don’t think “ouch!”
Sounds pretty harsh, doesn’t it? And yet, doesn’t this apply to a
lot of human endeavors?
Why do we keep score at football and baseball games? We tell our
kids that it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the
game, but have you been to any children’s league games lately?
Watched the parents? Parents are why I ended a fifteen-year coaching
career – and my teams were winning! In pro sports we have penalties
for “excessive celebration” and “trash” talking is a strategy. It is
not enough to win – we must rub the opposing team’s faces in their
failure.
How does this apply to motorcycles? It helps to explain something
I’ve pondered for about 40 years. Okay, I’m a little slow.
Since I first began to ride, I’ve been mystified by the evident need
of almost everyone to justify their own choice of brand, model or
style by slandering anyone else’s choice. Usually the put-downs are
sarcastic and involve stereotypes and generalities that start at
the figurative gross and readily adopt the literally gross.
When my college housemate bought a brand new Harley, he refused to
consider my Yamaha to be a “real” motorcycle. I tried to see his
point, but could not understand how his enormous Harley, which did
not go or stop particularly well, could be so superior. Exposed
wiring hung here and there in a fashion that would not have been
allowed to leave Japan, and the side stand appeared to have been
fashioned from a chunk of metal found on the shop floor. It leaked a
bit of oil, which evidently “real” motorcycles did, and when riding
it I was perched so far up in the air it was like watching a
helicopter view of myself riding. I just didn’t get it.
Several years later I learned the joy of riding a Harley, and the
many things a Harley does better than anything else. I never did
learn to understand the point of view of my friend.
Decades later, you might imagine, things are more sophisticated, as
the world is so much smaller in terms of communications,
manufacturing, and multi-cultural experiences and understanding. Go
ahead – imagine away. The reality is that we’ve not moved forward
very much, if at all. If you ride a sport bike, even friends with
Harleys will refer to you and “your friends” as “squids.” Harley
riders will hear their machines referred to as slow and poor
handling oil spills that will be lucky to start and run long enough
to get home from the bar where they’re “usually” parked.
Are some sports bikes ridden by “squids?” Surely, although not many
at this time of year. Some Harleys spend time parked outside bars,
but ALL? Not even close. I’ve ridden Harleys that are fast, and have
not seen an oil leak on a Harley in years. Sport bikes occasionally
leak oil. I know sport bike riders who do not exceed the speed
limit. It’s a complex world.
Doesn’t seem to slow people down, though. Japanese cruisers are
“fakes,” BMWs are “boring,” Ducatis are ridden by “posers,” all
touring couples are fat, and dirt bike riders are illiterate hicks
from Deliverance. And on and on.
This sort of thing extends to the style of riding. I’ve had dozens
of sport bike riders tell me they “could not” ride a cruiser.
They’re so positive they would not enjoy the experience they’ve
convinced themselves they could not do it. One Harley customer
expressed surprise that I was able to actually ride a Harley. Dozens
of people have told me they could not ride a sport bike because “I’d
kill myself within 20 miles.” What? You mean that your mental and
throttle control skills are so lacking that the motorcycle would
launch itself into the shrubbery at 150 mph? If this is indeed the
case, you should not be riding a motorcycle – any motorcycle, and
perhaps should rethink this entire mechanized transportation
concept.
A few years ago I enjoyed a chance meeting at Vista House on the
Columbia River. I was with a bunch of Triumph enthusiasts enjoying a
beautiful spot on a sunny day, and up rode ten people on Harleys –
30 – 40 year old Harleys. Within ten minutes a mutual motorcycle
enjoyment society was formed, and we all stood around admiring the
motorcycles of another manufacturer and another time. One of the
gentlemen was riding the same bike model as my college buddy back in
the day, and I admired his machine – and meant it honestly. Now I
could see the charm that eluded me then.
Why is this sort of mutual respect so rare? Part of the reason might
be the relative age of the participants. People who’ve been riding
for three or four decades have learned to calm down and enjoy the
day! One member of my group was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of
him standing with his new Triumph (in 1952) and his other new
Triumph (in 2000). Isn’t that cool?
Perhaps we all need a few decades of “seasoning” before we’re
allowed to speak on a topic so wrapped around our own self-concept.
Often, zealots for a particular brand will justify their choice with
statements that simply will not bear logical scrutiny – and some are
promulgated by the manufacturers. Harley is the “All American”
motorcycle? By what definition? Wouldn’t that imply that every part
was designed by an American, in America, and manufactured in this
country? Well, it ain’t so! Check the tires, the wiring, and the
instruments…or don’t bother, because I won’t change your mind
anyway.
Same goes for many of the “truths” we hold to be self-evident about
our own choices. My Triumph has “character,” which is why I should
not be too upset that the left-side exhaust fractured after 5,000
miles. Huh?
At the end of the day, it seems we’re not totally satisfied with our
personally successful choice of bike unless we self-persuade that
anyone riding a different brand, model, or style, has made a poor
choice. Our bike is “better” because theirs is “worse.”
We all do these things now and then– it’s part of the grand, if
messy, human condition. But at this time of year, when we hear
heartfelt wishes for world peace and understanding of others,
perhaps we could start closer to where our heart is. Might make a
good New Year’s Resolution. “In 2007 I’ll not disparage the
motorcycle choices of others.”
If we can all do that, in 2008 we can move on to tackling say - the
creation of a lasting word peace!
Dave Preston is the author of Motorcycle 101, a sensible book
for the new and returning rider. Pick up a copy today in the
Sound RIDER! store. |
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