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Once again it’s time for my annual compilation of awards for brilliance, wisdom, wit, soul …or not… over the past year. Some of these are meant to be serious, and some not – and I do hope you can discern which is which!

BEST DECAL OF 2005 AWARD

A brand new Mustang GT in silver, replete with black racing stripes, tinted windows, fat "Bullitt" style mags, 5 speed, a wing – all the bells and whistles. In the middle of the rear window is a very small decal' "Old Guys Rule" Yes!

IRONY IN ADVERTISING AWARD

Ad campaign for a hotel, seen on the side of Metro buses' "Adjectives Are Pointless." If adjectives are pointless, and pointless IS an adjective in the phrase – um… what does it mean?

QUESTIONABLE MARKETING AWARDS

1^st place - from auto racing– Michelin tires and Formula One combine at Indy to create an embarrassment of amazing proportions.

Imagine the scene. You are trying to establish Formula One in the United States – a huge market – and you succeed in filling the Indy stands and getting on live TV. Then, after the pace lap, 14 of the 20 entrants pull into the pits and refuse to race over a dispute on the corners of the track and the wear capabilities of the tires. This may kill Formula One in the US for years, whether or not that is a bad idea…

2^nd place - Triumph’s decision not to have a presence at any of the Cycle World motorcycle shows in the United States.

3^rd place - Honda’s selection of the color for their ballyhooed new air bag on Gold Wings – why oh why did they select "big fat white guy ass pink" as a color?

4^th place - New product – an urn for your ashes after you are cremated – in the shape of a motorcycle V-twin engine cylinder.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR

Publisher Tom Mehren, to a rider at the base of Maryhill Loops Road at this year’s Sportbike Northwest III. "Are you the guy who rides real slow?"

BEST DESCRIPTION OF THE YEAR

Jeff Rivers, at the Seattle Big Boys Toys Show, commenting on the outdoor cigar smoking attraction, where for $12 you could sit in a comfy chair on the Seahawks sideline and smoke a good cigar – "A petting zoo for fat white guys."

BEST EVENT OF THE YEAR

Sportbike Northwest III

BEST PAINT ON OEM BIKES

Harley-Davidson

BEST RACER AWARD – 2005

Valentino Rossi

TOUGHEST RACER AWARD - 2005

Matt Mladin

MOST ANTICIPATED BIKE OF 2006

Triumph 675 Daytona Triple – yes, I ordered one. Me? Biased?

MOST INTRIGUING NEW DESIGN

Kawasaki 650 Ninja

IF YOU’RE SLOW IT’S YOUR FAULT AWARD

Suzuki GSXR 1000

CONCEPT BIKE YOU WOULD MOST WANT IF THEY MADE IT AWARD

Suzuki Stratosphere

CONCEPT BIKE THAT MAKES YOU SAY ‘EEEWWWW!" AWARD

Victory – sort of a Dustbuster with wheels. Full points for creating something that is radically different from what they currently offer, that’s for sure.

BEST ACCESSORY TO ADD TO YOUR BIKE

Heated grips

BEST ACCESSORY NOT YET AVAILABLE

Cruise control for sport bikes

MANUFACTURING QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Modern motorcycles are excellent, almost universally. They are rolling exhibits of sculpture and technology, and it can be argued that almost all of them are underpriced. With all the technological wonders and performance, why do so many of them have seats that do not work at all?

TWO SHOPS WHO DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT QUESTION ANSWERED

Rich's and Mac's

DUMBEST THING I SAW ON A MOTORCYCLE IN 2005 – 3^rd PLACE

Me – backing up a gorgeous ZX7R and hitting the tire of the bike behind me – and over we went. Thank goodness for a highly skilled detail crew.

DUMBEST THING I SAW ON A MOTORCYCLE IN 2005 – 2^nd PLACE

Me again - agreeing to carry a passenger on my Triumph Sprint ST as he was filming a show for the Discovery Channel with a huge video camera… sitting BACKWARDS…in the rain.

DUMBEST THING I SAW ON A MOTORCYCLE IN 2005 – 1^st PLACE

The cameraman sitting backwards on the back of my bike at 35mph in a pouring rain. Is it just me, or can you agree? All of the Australians I have ever met in my life seem to be A) Incredibly nice people and B) Total and complete nut jobs!

BEST CHARITY EVENT OF 2005

Mayor Mike’s Ride III – over 200 bikes. For $15, participants got a  free breakfast, great ride, free lunch, lots of door prizes and live concert. Wow! Congratulations, Mike.

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